iSwear
by Nialon
Summary: Castiel has a bit of a problem. One-shot. Rated for language.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural.**

Dean really hated witches. Besides the fact that they spewed bodily fluids all over the place, they also came up with the most annoying and difficult curses known to mankind, and they all seemed to think that the members of the Winchester family were their guinea pigs. Apparently, they had also decided that Castiel was now apart of the family, which in turn called for an initiation.

The angel could not stop swearing.

"Fuck, Dean!"

As soon as the words left Castiel's mouth his eyes widened to the size of dinner plates and he slapped his hands over his mouth, an expression of intense mortification on his face.

Sam was laughing his ass off and Dean appeared to be hyperventilating, tears streaking down his face as he pointed at Castiel.

"You said 'fuck', Cas!"

Fuck. _Fuck. _Dean chortled with glee.

Castiel glowered in response and crossed his arms across his chest, seated in a chair way over in the corner of the room. "Fuck you," he muttered under his breath. His eyes widened again in surprise and he looked helplessly at Sam and Dean.

The Winchesters looked at each other from their respective beds and burst out into fresh laughter. It was just so damn _hilarious. _An angel that couldn't stop cursing? Priceless.

Once Dean recovered somewhat he sat up and took in Castiel's agitated expression.

"C'mon, Cas. Don't be like that."

Castiel frowned, puffing up a little. An image of a little bluebird swelling up and puffing out its feathers popped into Dean's mind and he bit his lip to try and stifle his growing amusement. Castiel eyes narrowed dangerously as he glared at Dean.

"I do not like being laughed at, you lopsided fuckball."

The grin quickly melted off Dean's face and Sam was laughing so goddamn hard he started choking. Dean snorted, clearly affronted, and promptly chucked a pillow at his brother. Castiel had the nerve to look pleased with himself. Dean got up and stalked to the bathroom, grumbling all the way. He slammed the door shut, the sounds of Sam's obnoxious laughter carrying easily through the wood.

What a bastard.

Completely ignoring his brother's departure, Sam stared at Castiel eagerly. He hadn't laughed like that in ages and he didn't want to stop now. Castiel didn't disappoint.

"Damn it, could you quit fucking staring at me? It's really pissing me off."

Sam guffawed and clutched at his stomach in response. The angel sighed and disappeared with a mumbled, "Asshole."

Asshole. Ha.

Three days later found the group in another motel, this one cozier than the last. They had figured out after killing the witch that the spell just had to wear off on its own. In the meantime, Castiel's problem seemed to be getting worse. And it seemed he favored one word over the rest.

"Sam, you fucktard, quit fucking poking me!" Castiel disappeared out of Sam's reach and reappeared beside Dean in the kitchen area, who was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The hunter jumped, fumbling to catch his now airborne snack. He succeeded and turned to the angel.

"Cas! Quit doing that!"

"Then fucking tell your douche of a brother to stop tormenting me! If he fucks with me one more time I will not hesitate to smite his ass into fucking oblivion!" The angel was wild eyed and panting, his hair more mussed up than usual. He turned to look at Sam, who seemed to be watching television. But Castiel knew better. He knew how sneaky Sam could be, and if he wanted a war then Castiel was going to bring it to him. The angel stepped up to Dean and grabbed him by the front of his shirt, bringing them face to face.

"I will not be reduced to being your brother's bitch. Keep him the _hell_ away from me."

Dean's eyes were huge, staring into Castiel's serious blue ones. Then the angel was gone. Dean chuckled nervously, brushing himself off. Maybe he should really stop Sam from bothering Castiel before blood is shed…

Nah.

The next day was much more random. Castiel appeared as usual around ten that morning, except he had an extra buddy in tow. Gabriel. Both of the Winchesters groaned at the archangel, who frowned, feigning offense.

"What, you boys aren't glad to see me?"

"No," both the Winchesters deadpanned.

The hurt look slipped off the archangel's face and he scowled.

"I take time out of my day to come by and say hi, and this is the reception I get? Assholes."

Sam snickered. Asshole.

Ha.

Castiel stood off to the side from the group, looking apologetic.

"The fucker followed me," Castiel said gravely.

Dean snorted and covered his mouth with one fist. Sam laughed outright. Gabriel raised one eyebrow at his brother.

"Whoa, Cas. No need for that kind of language, mister." Gabriel smirked and elbowed Castiel in his ribs, who responded by grumbling under his breath and crossing his arms across his chest. Gabriel inclined his head towards Castiel. "What? What did you say?"

"I said fuck off!"

Gabriel really looked offended this time and he vanished without warning.

"You didn't have to go and do that, Cas," Dean said while hunting for the remote.

"Yeah," piped Sam, "Especially since he was going to cure you."

Castiel and Dean both turned to stare at Sam.

"What?" Both of them said in unison. They turned to stare at each other.

That was weird.

Sam shrugged.

"Yeah. That's why he came. He said he owed Cas for that one time in Russia."

Castiel advanced on Sam, who had the sense to back away.

"What the fuck? What kind of stupid are you? Why didn't you say anything?"

Sam held up his hands, a small grin on his face.

"Well, if you want the truth…I just want to keep laughing at you."

A carefully blank expression was all Sam got from Castiel. Followed by a really nasty looking death glare. Before Castiel could smite his brother, Dean grabbed the angel by his arm and spun him around. The hunter placed both hands on Castiel's shoulders.

"Cas, it's okay. This will wear off in no time and then you'll be back to your usual broody self, alright?"

Castiel frowned and twisted his head around to look at Sam, but Dean grabbed his jaw and turned the angel's head back until blue eyes were focused on his again.

"Don't worry about Sam. Just…go cool off somewhere."

Dean released Castiel's jaw and the angel stood there for a moment before vanishing. Dean sighed and turned to Sam.

"What the hell, man? When did Gabriel tell you all of that? Do you want Cas to go supernova on you? 'Cause he's really getting fed up with you and I can't keep saving your sorry ass."

Sam didn't seem worried at all. In fact, he seemed downright jovial. He grinned at Dean.

"Don't worry about Gabriel. Come on, man. You can't seriously say that you haven't had any fun these last few days. When's the last time we laughed like this? It's been _years, _Dean. Years. After all we've been through I think we deserve a few laughs."

Dean looked like he was giving Sam's words some thought, and after contemplating for a minute he had to agree with Sam. They've never had this much fun since…well, far too long. But to have it at the expense of Cas…

Sam rolled his eyes, already knowing the main reason Dean was being so difficult. "Cas is a big boy, Dean. He'll be fine."

"It's not him I'm worried about," Dean grumbled.

Castiel appeared again suddenly, looking a bit more composed.

"You okay now, Cas?" Dean asked.

The angel nodded. "I no longer wish to gouge your brother's eyes out with my sword, so yes. I am okay."

Sam eyes widened. Dean grinned.

"Okay then! Since that is settled, who wants pie?"

* * *

Apparently, the curse did more than give Castiel a potty mouth. Sam and Dean began to notice aspects of his personality that changed also. He was loud, overbearing at times, insistent, and downright _mean _when he wanted to be.

In other words, he had become Dean.

This world was not big enough for two Deans.

The trio was situated in a little diner in Kentucky, catching a rare moment of downtime between cases. Castiel sat across from Sam and Dean, who were staring at the angel with wide eyes.

Castiel was devouring that cherry pie like the world would end tomorrow.

And it damn well might. Castiel wasn't taking any chances.

Dean stared at the angel with his bright green eyes, watching sadly as Castiel ate the pie.

That was Dean's pie. Pie that he had willingly shared with the angel, and now this happened. Dean didn't understand why Castiel was being so…so _mean. _

"Hey...uh, Cas? Can I...have my pie back now?" Dean stared hopefully at Castiel, only to sink back down in his seat when Castiel continued on eating without even sparing Dean a glance. Sam frowned at the longing expression on Dean's face.

Castiel was being a dick. So much like Dean.

"Cas, you're eating it all. Give it back," Dean tried again. Castiel grumbled out something illegible between bites. Dean's expression fell and then he set his jaw and glared at his friend. Sam knew the shit was about to hit the fan.

"Give me my goddamn pie, Cas!" Dean exploded. He grabbed the plate and Castiel _growled _at him. Dean faltered at the hostility directed at him but he tugged the plate toward him again and growled right back when Castiel didn't hand over the pie. "Damn it, Cas! Let go!"

Castiel smirked and let go.

The pie went sailing behind Dean, plate and all. It was like a scene from one of those old action movies. Dean watched in horror as the pie flew over his head in slow motion, his eyes fixed on the airborne dessert as it embarked on its perilous flight toward its gruesome and squishy end.

"Noooo!" Dean yelled out and stood up, but it was too late. Time sped up again and the pie landed right on top of a bald man's head, who was left sputtering in shock.

The whole diner was silent, staring at the two men glaring at each other from across the booth and the one freakishly tall man trying to placate them.

"Guys, c'mon, not here, lets at least go outside before you –"

With a mighty battle cry Dean launched himself across the table and at Castiel. The two collided with a thud and they rolled out of the booth, Dean gaining the upper hand early as he kept the angel pinned on his back.

"You dirty little fucker! Think you can waste my pie and get away with it?" Dean raised his arm for a punch but neglected to remember the fact that he was fighting an angel of the Lord. Castiel flipped Dean over easily and forced him on his stomach, his arm twisted behind his back. The diner was in complete chaos. Mothers grabbed their children and ran out, the employees stood around without a clue of what to do and a loose circle of men surrounded Dean and Castiel, goading them on. Castiel tightened his grip on Dean.

"Ow! Okay, okay, I give! Let me up, Cas!"

Castiel released Dean and the hunter scrambled to his feet, rubbing his arm as he glared at the angel.

Then he speared Castiel into the counter.

Castiel grunted more out of surprise than anything else and Dean took the opportunity to wiggle his fingers up and down Castiel's sides. The reaction was instantaneous. Castiel's eyes widened and a rush of air escaped him as he tried to push Dean away. The hunter held firm and dragged his fingers across Castiel's stomach and watched in satisfaction as laughter bubbled out of Castiel. Dean grinned and tickled Castiel mercilessly.

"Who's the bitch now?"

Castiel's face was turning red as he twisted and laughed himself into a ball on the floor, Dean not letting up at all.

Sam didn't know what to do.

So he watched as Dean tickled an angel into submission. He didn't even know angels were ticklish. Maybe they got saddled with one of the '_special_' angels. Just their luck.

"Dean! Stop, ha-ha, _stop_," Castiel was breathless as he attempted to use his strength to push Dean away. But the odd sensation wouldn't stop and he couldn't focus. "Dean, stop – _shit, _not there –" Castiel was laughing so hard his face was beginning to get sore. Before Dean knew what was happening one of Castiel's flailing arms caught him in the jaw. He was knocked back by the force of the blow, leaving Castiel panting and cursing on the floor. Dean rubbed his jaw, moving it to make sure nothing was broken. He launched himself at Castiel again and Sam finally stepped in.

He grabbed his brother by the back of his neck and Castiel by his arm.

"Sorry for this, folks," he said to the occupants of the diner, who were overtaken by a sort of shocked silence. "You won't be seeing us again." Sam dragged Castiel and Dean back to the car.

The next day Castiel and Dean were still sore at each other. Castiel was embarrassed and angry that he had let Dean get the best of him so easily. He cursed Jimmy's infuriating and odd weakness. On the other hand, Dean was simply mad at Castiel for eating his pie and being a complete and utter _dick _about it.

"Why is he being so mean?" Castiel heard Dean ask Sam. And yeah, Castiel did feel bad, but he couldn't help it.

"Sam. Poke me again and I'll roast your head on a fucking stick."

Sam poked him again.

"Sam! Fu…fu –" Castiel faltered on the word. His brows furrowed together. Sam and Dean's heads popped up in interest.

"Cas? Is it over?"

Castiel seemed to be surveying himself. Then he nodded, a smile gracing his features.

"I believe so. I apologize for my behavior. And for your pie, Dean. Hold out your hands."

Dean eyed Castiel distrustfully but held out his hands anyway. A plate of cherry pie appeared in Dean's hands. But it wasn't a normal cherry pie. It was the fucking _king_ of pies, perfect in everyway, down to each individual cherry and the sauce dribbling onto the plate. Dean almost creamed his pants at the sheer sight of the glorious dessert and it was _his. _All his. He shot a look to Castiel to make sure he woudn't try to steal his pie again and then he immediately made a beeline for the table to savor every bite. Sam chuckled. Castiel stared blankly at the younger Winchester. Sam's smile faltered.

"Hey…you're not mad at me are you?"

Castiel looked at Sam, his expression unreadable. Then something sly entered his gaze and Sam gulped at the mischief swimming in the blue orbs.

"This is not over, assbutt."

* * *

**I couldn't resist that last line, haha. Review if you liked!**


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